My Mission?

I'm not sure how many people know this about me, but I once put in my papers to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I told everyone, because it was my plan. I honestly, and deeply, felt like it was what I needed to do. And when I say that I felt that way I don't mean "I felt pressured to go because it's what a good little Mormon girl is supposed to do" or even "I felt that since I was 21 already and not married that the only option left for me was to go on a mission"... I mean that I actually had many moments where I knew without a doubt that serving a mission was not only what I wanted to do, but it was what God wanted for me as well.

Well, extremely long story short...I didn't get to go.  By that time I was too far gone into my depression and wasn't able to serve.  I don't remember really reacting to the news, at the time.  I already knew before the letter came that they would tell me "no".  No matter what that paper said, I had told myself they just didn't want me because I am gay.  What I saw as my last shot at redemption was now gone because of this unyielding "disease" I just couldn't seem to fight.  All desire to go on a mission (at least the way it had been) left me that day.

I ended up coming back to BYU, as evident by the fact that I'm here now.  If I'm being honest, I'm not quite sure what made me come back.  BYU had always been part of my plan, but part of that plan had been to serve a mission and come back and get married and have a family.  Now I wasn't sure what the plan was, so I thought I should hold on to the parts I had left.

By the first month of school I had found USGA.  I started forming a new plan.  The rest, as they say, is history.


Update: April 6, 2012
My aunt called me today and left a message on my phone.  She was in the middle of shopping when she just started thinking of me and then just got the clear-as-day thought that "Bridey has been able to serve a mission.  Just not the regular one."  She called me the day I spoke in the campus wide panel discussion.  Actually while I was speaking.  I didn't find her voice mail until today though.

I have been able to do a lot of good here on campus, with the USGA and the other friends I have made because I came back to school at this time.  Maybe this is where I needed to be all along.


Update: October 6, 2012
Well as anyone who was even remotely paying attention to the little Mormon corner of the world today knows that the church announced that they lowered the age at which a young man or woman can serve a mission for the Church.

The age for boys: 19 --> 18
The age for girls: 21 --> 19

Well, everyone's first thought was how this is totally gonna throw things off at BYU for a while. As seen by this picture, here. -->

My thoughts were all over the place.  The one that dominated was "if this change had happened five years ago, when I was nineteen, things would have been so different...I might have gotten to serve..."  It took a while for me to remember that I was in a pretty messed up place (mentally and emotionally) when I was nineteen too.  I think I would have gone on a mission only because I had not yet faced all the issues I had with myself yet, and at that time I still believed that a mission would fix a lot of them.  Would it really have made life so much better?  I wonder if it would have made facing myself eventually that much harder.  Would I have become the same me I am today?  I don't know.  I don't think it would have been a worse path, only a different one.

Well, I talked to my dad about it and he said that same thing my aunt did six months ago, more or less.  So have many friends.  I'm pretty sure they didn't talk to each other and coordinate an answer. Maybe this is my mission.  To do as much good as I can, where I am.

~Bridey J.