Tornadoes and Ostriches

So for everyone who doesn't know yet, last night (may 22, 2011) a tornado touched down in Joplin, MO. They are calling it the nation's deadliest tornado since 1953. The death toll is 116 and might be rising. The closest thing I can relate to was a tornado that touched down in Oklahoma on may 3, 1999. It tore through everything just north of where I'm from. But that wasn't really anywhere as deadly, just lots of damage. We moved there just a month or so afterwards, and I remember seeing the aftermath and thinking "why on earth would dad make us move here?!" My family has never had to deal with that kind of loss, but we've come close sometimes.

Talking with my dad this morning, he told me how much he wanted to go and help, but it's 200 miles away. He can't imagine going through that himself, but we know many who have. He equated it to the idea of the lottery. Only in the sense that we all know someone has to win, but the real chances of it being you are slim to none. The winner's chances were still nothing, just like everybody else, until the very moment they won. Twelve years of living in Oklahoma has let me experience more incredible storms and tornado sirens than I could possibly count. I've had tornadoes within a mile of my house, and yet every time I always think "that's never really going to happen to me".

There is this mentality I have found many people have, including some of my past (and possibly present) roommates. The idea that yes, people who deal with same gender attraction exist, but I'm never going to know any of them. This is a popular theory, from what I gather, here at BYU. It's not so much a hatred as just an ignorance. Everyone thinks that they're never going to have to deal with it, and probably never know someone who is either, so they don't learn about it. It's other people who go through those things, right? A few months ago I had the opportunity to talk to a psychology class about my life dealing with being lesbian and Mormon and what I had to go through. Afterwards I noticed there was someone I knew from my freshman year sitting in the back. I'm sure she would have never thought that she knew someone who was gay. In fact she told me as much afterwards (did I blow her mind?...probably). I'm also very sure that my parents never thought they would have to deal with this in their lives, let alone their own child.

Chances are you're going to know someone who deals with same gender attraction...and you probably already do. It's not like the lottery at all. It's a serious issue that you or people you love are going to have to deal with. Don't be ignorant and don't bury your head in the sand. We are people, not ostriches!

~Bridey J

Some Unintentional Advice

My dad came to visit this week. It reminded me of where I get my personality from. We're like two weird peas in a pod...except that he's a large man pea and I'm a small girl pea. We spent most of yesterday and today together and we talked about all kinds of things. I don't really talk about my personal life with my dad. It only became easier to not share when I moved halfway across the country to attend school. But on the off-chance that we do talk on a personal level, I've never regretted it.

I've had problems with not liking myself since I was a kid, when I realized the other kids thought I was weird. When you're ten being weird is not a good thing. It only escalated in high school when I realized I liked girls. Of course there were a lot more things before that and in between and up till now that added to this feeling, but for more than half of my life I've wished I was someone else...anyone except me.

While I was with my dad today I told him about some of the things that I've been through. Things he didn't really know about before. I asked him if I was crazy, or weird. Without missing a beat he replied "oh yes, of course...but there's nothing wrong with that". Paraphrasing the next hour or so, he told me that we hardly ever choose the things we go through. And afterwards, given the chance, we would never choose to go through them again. The things is, everything we go through and have to deal with makes us who we are. We learn and use what we learn to help others, or maybe ourselves later on.

Everything I've gone through has shaped me into who I am. To tell the truth, despite my best efforts, I haven't changed much. I'm still weird, but I'm beginning to love that about me. I'm happy when I'm me. I've started to love myself...ALL of myself...and even if I had to go through all of this, being me isn't that bad. No matter what you have to go through...love yourself. You are worth it.

~Bridey J

Being You

This weekend I took a trip with some friends down to St. George, UT. At one point in the trip we went swimming and one of my guy friends decided to wear a speedo instead of his trunks. We playfully made fun of him and laughed, and tried to talk him in to showing off his new found confidence to some nearby girls. By the end of the night I saw a new side to my friends (and I don't just mean the part of his legs that are usually covered by pants). Even in a situation that could have been weird he was very comfortable with himself. He took our teasing with good humor and even made fun of himself a bit. It has always been fun to be around him because he is very comfortable with himself and makes it easy to be yourself too. At the end of the night as we were leaving he said that someone has mentioned to him before that if he continues being weird and silly he's not gonna get a girlfriend (paraphrased). But then he said "You know what, if she doesn't like all my silliness then she's not the right girl for me."

He's right. It's a philosophy that I've tried to establish in my own life, time and time again, of just being myself and not caring what others thought. It starts with loving who you are (something I confess I'm still working on). Then finding people who also love who you are, and would never ask you to be something different. Those are the people who will be worth keeping in your life. And being able to be yourself is worth waiting to find those people.

~Bridey J