Mundane Matrimony

Tonight, all over the place, people gathered together and held candle light ceremonies to show their hope for the outcomes of the approaching Supreme Court hearings on two court cases dealing with marriage equality. The over turn of both Prop. 8 and DOMA could potentially lead the way for marriage equality through out the country.  I, unfortunately, could not attend the little rally held in Provo due to some health issues.  It did give me time to wonder, just between myself and I, why I wanted to fight for gay marriage, other than that fact that I hope to one day be gay married.

I tried to recall all the arguments I have heard over time from both sides and hash it out in my mind.  The one my mind kept returning to is one I had heard many times here in Utah.  The idea is that Civil Unions should be enough, because it comes with all the political and legal rights we are fighting for anyway.  Well, it may come as no shock that I do not want a civil union.  I want to be married to my future wife someday.  Many people say that to allow gay marriage would be undermining the sacredness of the act (as if heterosexuals have a monopoly on religion and the understanding of sacred things).  I want my marriage to be just as meaningful and sacred and special as anyone else's.

I really think that fighting for equal rights is important.  I want to be able to visit my wife in the hospital.  I want to be able to file joint taxes and have our family recognized by the government.  But the civil rights will come on their own, the fight will continue until we are equal in this respect.  I do not fear that the government will ultimately not see my family as a real family.  I am afraid that others will not see me/us as equal.  By having separate or unequal rights it gives some people an excuse to look down on others, even if it's just subconsciously.

Because marriage equality is something that needs to be fought for, rather than something that is given freely, I feel like some people think of my love as less special.  They think that I don't hold marriage to a high standard.  Like I am just some child that wants a toy just because someone else is playing with it.  Knowing that others think of me like this makes it hard to think of myself as something better than the second-class role they put me in.  So why do I fight?  I fight for marriage equality because I know I am worth it.  For me, it has nothing to do with the political rights.  It's about people recognizing that the greatest desire of my heart is to be specially bound to the woman I love, and to be called her lawful wedded wife, and for our family to be sacred and eternal...just like everyone else.  I fight because I am worth that.

~Bridey J.

Chop Chop...Oops

I am currently employed at Papa Murphy's Take 'N' Bake Pizza.  Every morning I get up nice and early and catch the bus to catch the second bus to get to work.  I then spend the next 8 hours mixing and smashing pizza dough, grating cheese, making sauces, and cutting vegetables so that every day everything is fresh.  Well you can imagine how doing the same thing every day can not only eventually wear out the equipment we use, but also easily become a job of brainless motions.

This last week my boss got brand new knifes to cut the veggies.  Well...I got a little over excited and was cutting a bit too fast...when suddenly my hand was in pain and there was blood on the green onions.  I almost cut the tip of my thumb completely off.  It was just hanging on by a bit and bleeding everywhere.  I then spent the rest of my day at the insta-care with a wad of napkins holding my finger together.  I lost a chunk of my finger nail so they had to put the stitches through the remaining nail to keep the tip on.  

Here's a picture...Enjoy!

This is after being cleaned up a few days later.

~Bridey J.

Genderless

The gender binary is really not a complicated subject matter.  There are girls and boys.  Men and women. Male and female.  This has nothing to do with what they like, how they act, stereotypes, clothes, sexual orientation or even what may, or may not, be between someone's legs.  Males are usually associated with some degree of masculinity, while Females are feminine.


Transsexuals, born one sex , but identify as the other another, also work within the gender binary.  The symbols don't show an over abundance of creativity, but they are at least informative.

Now, we step out of the comfort of the gender binary and into something different.

It is now no longer one or the other, but placed on a spectrum, of sorts, that goes in between and beyond.


As silly as it might seem, I don't think I fit in the gender binary.  I don't even know if I fit in one of these other categories  I guess I'm somewhere in between, and it's sometimes hard to explain.  Even to myself.  I feel like even the spectrum is a little more exclusive than I initially thought. Let me try to explain.

My sex is female. I have a vagina and I'm fine with that.  I also have breasts and hips and curves.  I am not fine with any of those.  My gender is...confusing.  I wish the general public would address me with male pronouns, as the English language does not have gender-less pronouns. I want to wear a suit and tie to church. I wish my body reflected that more (unlike Shakirra, my hips do lie).  But I'm okay with my name and who I am.  I'm okay being someone's girlfriend, wife, or mother.

Sex is usually based on the primary and secondary sex organs you have.  Gender is actually based on a role you play in society.  I'm not comfortable with the role that was assigned to me because I have ovaries and not testicles.  I wish there was an acceptable role of just being Bridey.   I wish our minds weren't constructed in a way where we subconsciously demand that every thing have a label, or a place to belong.  It's even confusing in my own mind to accept that I am genderqueer, because it's not one or another.   But I'm okay being me.  I'm okay exploring what that means.   I hope you'll come on this journey with me.

~Bridey J.

Not Equal Yet

Recently a good friend of mine got a letter to the editor published in the Utah newspaper "The Salt Lake Tribune".   It focused on the idea that while she is protected by anti-discrimination laws in Salt Lake County, if her life were to take her elsewhere in Utah, she would not have the same right.  The laws she mentioned protect her from being fired from a job or evicted from housing solely because of her sexual orientation (as she is a lesbian).  It might surprise some of you, as it did me, that these laws are not in place country-wide.  At a job I used to have back in Oklahoma there was a large sign next to the lockers that would remind everyone that no employment decisions (such as hiring, firing, disciplinary action, promotion, pay or other work conditions) could be made based on my sex, age, race, color, religion, national origin, disability, genetic information, OR sexual identity and orientation.   I was very surprised to find that the same sign at my current place of employment in Utah, a branch of the same company, did not include the last part.

I came out to my coworkers when I started the job.  I wanted to make it known that saying things like "that's so gay" and calling each other faggot was not gonna fly with me.  It has now become a very comfortable and casual thing that my coworkers and I talk about.  I really do enjoy my work because of the people I work with.  But one day last week, someone said something referencing my being a lesbian, right to my boss.  She didn't think anything about it, because she doesn't have to.  None of them have to think about it.  It's not a reality for them.  I don't go a day without thinking about it.  I don't think my boss will actually do anything to me, but I've been on edge because he could if he really wanted to, and there are no laws to stop him.

A few years ago I had a roommate that freaked out when she found out I was gay.  She reported me to the housing office and to my landlord, hoping to get me evicted.  I lived in BYU contracted housing, and I wasn't breaking the BYU honor code just by being gay, so there was no grounds for eviction. How ironic that being a BYU student kept me safe, and not a law.

This is my reality.  I'm not considered equal yet.

~Bridey J.