Mundane Matrimony

Tonight, all over the place, people gathered together and held candle light ceremonies to show their hope for the outcomes of the approaching Supreme Court hearings on two court cases dealing with marriage equality. The over turn of both Prop. 8 and DOMA could potentially lead the way for marriage equality through out the country.  I, unfortunately, could not attend the little rally held in Provo due to some health issues.  It did give me time to wonder, just between myself and I, why I wanted to fight for gay marriage, other than that fact that I hope to one day be gay married.

I tried to recall all the arguments I have heard over time from both sides and hash it out in my mind.  The one my mind kept returning to is one I had heard many times here in Utah.  The idea is that Civil Unions should be enough, because it comes with all the political and legal rights we are fighting for anyway.  Well, it may come as no shock that I do not want a civil union.  I want to be married to my future wife someday.  Many people say that to allow gay marriage would be undermining the sacredness of the act (as if heterosexuals have a monopoly on religion and the understanding of sacred things).  I want my marriage to be just as meaningful and sacred and special as anyone else's.

I really think that fighting for equal rights is important.  I want to be able to visit my wife in the hospital.  I want to be able to file joint taxes and have our family recognized by the government.  But the civil rights will come on their own, the fight will continue until we are equal in this respect.  I do not fear that the government will ultimately not see my family as a real family.  I am afraid that others will not see me/us as equal.  By having separate or unequal rights it gives some people an excuse to look down on others, even if it's just subconsciously.

Because marriage equality is something that needs to be fought for, rather than something that is given freely, I feel like some people think of my love as less special.  They think that I don't hold marriage to a high standard.  Like I am just some child that wants a toy just because someone else is playing with it.  Knowing that others think of me like this makes it hard to think of myself as something better than the second-class role they put me in.  So why do I fight?  I fight for marriage equality because I know I am worth it.  For me, it has nothing to do with the political rights.  It's about people recognizing that the greatest desire of my heart is to be specially bound to the woman I love, and to be called her lawful wedded wife, and for our family to be sacred and eternal...just like everyone else.  I fight because I am worth that.

~Bridey J.