Authenticity

I few weeks ago in USGA we had some people come and talk to us about their experience being in a mixed orientation marriage (one spouse is straight and the other is gay/lesbian). I know a lot of people in the gay community don't like this at all. They hate that members of the church expect gay people to enter into a mixed orientation marriage. That's not church policy, but it's what it feels like sometimes.

I have a friend who speaks to BYU classes with me. His name is Mark. He's a gay man whose experience was very different than what a lot of gay people go through. He never doubted God's love, or where he fit in the church. That is extremely atypical, and he is an extremely atypical person. He ended up marrying a woman and it seems perfectly right for him. He understands that this is not the path for everyone. He tries to remind people (especially the classes we speak to) that he is the exception, not the rule. He also emphasizes that he's still gay. Getting married did not "cure" him. In all the time I have known him and his wife I have never doubted that those two are meant for each other. I have also never thought that he was lying about his homosexuality. I really feel that he is being true and honest with himself, being an openly gay man happily married to this woman.

Recently in my life I have been made aware of an extreme anti-gay group here in Utah. Their platform centers around the idea that their son was "cured" of his homosexuality and that every other homosexual can be too. I don't want to dive into that much because that would distract from my point. When faced with the idea of a gay man or woman being fixed, most people would say "you can't fix was isn't broken". While I may not understand all of the "why's?" that come with it, I will never think that anyone is less of a human being because they are not a perfect Kinsey 0. Similarly, if this boy was struggling with any homosexual feelings he might have had and was able to find peace through somehow making them stop, then I am happy for him. But just like in my friend Mark's situation, he is an exception, NOT a rule. I truly hope with all my heart that no matter what this man went through, and is going through even now, he remains honest with himself.

I am striving daily to be honest with myself. The first step was admitting to myself nine years ago that I had feelings for girls, and not boys. Now it's admitting that as much as I seem to be okay with who I am, some part of me is still not (but I'm slowly getting there). I honestly don't know what my future holds (and I'm only 23 so I don't need to have the next 70 years planned out just yet), but chances are good that it will not be a mixed-orientation marriage. I would be lying if I didn't tell you that when I think about my future I think about sharing it with a woman, because that's what I want. I would also be lying if I told you that wanting that doesn't scare me a little sometimes. I just pray that what ever happens in my life I am able to remain me.

~Bridey J.